The Big Gay Al Plot to Ruin America

I’m not a conspiracy theory guy.  I’m pretty sure Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone in killing President Kennedy.  I’m pretty sure Barrak Hussein Obama is not a secret Muslim sent to America to win the presidency and destroy the moral fabric of the nation.  I’m pretty sure George Bush didn’t blow up the Pentagon and World Trade Center to justify military incursions in Afghanistan and Iraq.

While I realize that millions of people actually believe in these types of conspiracies – especially those involving the government as behind something nefarious, I’m not quick to latch on.

That said, given the recent spate of religious-driven Republican-led activities to limit the rights of homosexuals in America, it wouldn’t take much to convince me that some nameless gay/lesbian mastermind is using witless politicians like mariachi puppets to further their acceptance as full fledged citizens of the country.  The only person that comes to mind is this guy:

big-gay-alNote the Doctor Evil-like thing he’s doing with his finger.  His wearing of the Boy Scout uniform to corrupt America’s youth – only Big Gay Al* has the wherewithal to infiltrate the back rooms of right minded American politics and plant such an insidious seed, inspiring state legislatures in Idaho, Kansas, Tennessee (pick your southern state) to consider passing laws that directly violate the very constitution these hapless politicians swore themselves to preserve.

Again, if I were the type to latch on to a conspiracy theory, the case could be made that by doing so, by using these simple-minded GOPers, manipulating their homophobia (or in many cases their self-loathing of their own latent homosexuality) to pass laws that only the staunchest adherents of Jim Crow would approve of, is to invite a court intervention faster than you can say: “Is that mauve????”

Add Ted Cruz and Mike Lee to the list of the vacuous. Their co-sponsored legislative effort in the senate to show they hate people too will never go anywhere, but they have to prove they are not soft on gays – in fact, they’re very hard on gays.  Just like Larry Craig!

Only Big Gay Al seems to understand how the constitution works — as opposed to half-witted Republicans who do not seem to understand the role and place of the court to ensure legislation adheres to the constitution.  But then again, there is still a small band of Republicans that see Brown v. Board of Education and  Loving v. Virginia as an interventionist judiciary at its worst.

No, it wouldn’t take much for me to see that Big Gay Al is behind every headline I read of another attempt by Republican lawmakers to show how we should all hate the gay away.  If Big Gay Al isn’t behind it, that would mean that these Republican legislators are really that stupid, full of “Christian” hatred for their fellow men and women.  I’m not ready to see them in that light – especially since the only thing that Republicans say that matters is the economy and jobs.  Hating gay people doesn’t seem to either spur the economy or create jobs – at least the kind that pay anything.

*I cannot find a Trademark for Big Gay Al; however, the creators of South Park are probably not involved in his conspiracy to dupe Republicans in to furthering the gay agenda.

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